Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
