How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
