My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
