he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
