it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
