Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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