I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
