I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
