Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
