I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
