She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
