Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
