Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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