She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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