Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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