i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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