guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
