i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
