You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
