Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
