how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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