Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
