whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.