I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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