the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
