We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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