Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
