imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
