he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
