somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.