I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk