Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.