i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.