The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
