Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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