Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
