I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
