dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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