I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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