Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
