Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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