Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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