My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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