Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
