I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
