there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
