I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
