I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't put those talents on a resume
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
