I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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