I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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