I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
