my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize