I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
