btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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