I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize