nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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