Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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