i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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