She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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