What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
