If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
