when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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