We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
