after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
