I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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