then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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